I have been in major study mode all this week and this weekend. I am immersing myself in my studies in order to pass my test on Monday. I fell of the wagon today, I had a biscuit and gravy for breakfast and while sitting here for hours and hours of studying I broke down and had 3 miniature Reece's peanut butter cups that a coworker always has out for anyone to have. Plus I have had 2 diet pepsi today.
I am in complete deterioration of my goals today and tomorrow. I realize that I could grab something more healthy (which by the way since I have been gone to classes and studying have not had the chance to get to the store to replenish my supplies of fruits and vegetables).
Do I know this is completely wrong??? YES
Did I still revert back to my stress induced ways when the last straw was added? YES
Am I a failure in my adventure?????? NO
A few days off the wagon does not a complete failure make. In fact I'm taking 10 minutes to write this up because I don't want to completely abandon my adventure but I'm am STRESSED with a capital "S". I know I will do well but I have to keep all these concepts in my brain and the questions that FINRA uses are very tricky. They give you story problems and add tons of stuff not needed to mess you up and you have to take the time to read the ENTIRE question and then find out WHAT they are looking for so you can eliminate the junk and get down to the correct answer.
My family is feeling my absence and my husband is doing his best to support me but I can tell my lack of attendance at home is being felt. I even took 35 minutes last night before I went to bed just to clean up my house to look a bit better. The boys tried their best, but mom kind of has a higher standard of "clean".
Two more days and this will be over. Have to be in Des Moines by 7:30 am on Monday and it's a 7 hour test. Deep down I feel guilty for ignoring everyone, but this is the only way I know for my brain to keep the information and be able to verbal vomit answers for the test.
So my quote of the day fits perfectly into my mental state:
QUOTE OF THE DAY
So I'm giving myself a little slack this weekend and I know my countdown is still ticking and I will have to be extra good after my test (which I can completely do once the pressure is off from this bloody thing). So right now I can't stress over Easter, Prom, or graduation. I can't stress over my adventure and where I am in that aspect. I can't stress over the state of my house and how no one else can see the trash overflowing or the dishes in the sink. I can't stress over the fact I haven't seem my dear friend, Amanda for almost 10 days. (which for us is a LONG time) though she is sweet and texts and posts to me to keep my motivated but I unfortunately have not been able to reciprocate the love. I really really really feel horrible at shutting out the world for this one thing, but 2 more days and I can rejoin my world and hopefully with a new license and believe me there will be a GRAND celebration "when" I pass this securities licensing. No one in my office has passed in about 8 years if that gives you any indication on how much my work is depending on my to hit a grand slam in this.
So STRESS is my friend. But more my motivation to give it my 110%. The brain is a muscle and unfortunately I apparently have not been giving it it's full exercise potential for a while and I am playing major catch up.
So for those of you reading and keeping up with me, you are my superheroes and deserve much better than you are getting at this moment but I promise you that the "weird and funny" me will be back, she unfortunately has no room in her brain at this moment to hold anything but securities and the vital remembrance to breathe and blink on a regular basis.
So stay tuned and remember:
You are kind, you are Smart, and you are soo very Important to me!
Food Log, Saturday, March 28, 2015
BREAKFAST
Biscuit and Gravy (as I write this I want to kick myself, but in a way it was something I needed)
LUNCH:
3 Miniature Reeces Peanut Butter Cups
SUPPER:
Some meat grilled I'm sure, but my appetite isn't fully with me.
Water: only about 8 cups today, but have had 2 bottles of soda.
COUNTDOWN:
DAYS DOWN: 20
DAYS TO GO: 49
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