COM*FORT*A*BLE

Can I keep this up?  There are days that I wish I would allow myself to eat whatever I wanted.  But the regret that would follow is so not something I want to experience again.  As I hear those around me getting ready to try new "diets", be it Atkins, Whole 30, Weight Watchers and such, I remember a time when I used to look forward to the start of the diet.  There was so much possibility and there was always hope.  But no matter my determination and dedication, after about 4 weeks, I would lose interest and to be honest, the weight didn't stay off and I usually ended up gaining more than when I started.

As I am coming to the end of my one year, I have to remind myself that I have achieved so much and even IF I do not reach my 100 pounds goal, I've come so much further than I ever have in the past.  But this goal is haunting me at the moment.  20 days and I have to admit I really am comfortable at where and what I am doing.  So there is the catch, I'm comfortable!!!  That's great if I'm buying a couch or looking to upgrade my mattress, but to get to my goal, not so much!!



The dictionary defines Comfortable as:

com·fort·a·ble

ˈkəmfərdəb(ə)l,ˈkəmftərbəl/

adjective

1. 1.

   (especially of clothes or furnishings) providing physical ease and relaxation.

These are words that do not work well when you are trying to achieve a weight loss goal. EASE and RELAXATION are not in the vocabulary of squats, crunches, running, reps, and donkey kicks. So how do I get out of this "comfort zone" before I sabotage myself days before the deadline.


I'm all for comfort, don't get me wrong, I love my comfy warm bed on a cold morning and the house is all dark and quiet. I love snuggling with my hubby under a blanket while watching a fire under the stars. But at this moment in the game, COMFORTABLE is a horrible word that has sneaked into my daily life and it is crippling me.


I've always been an out of the box kind of person. But even "out of the boxers" get stuck in a box sometimes and that is currently my position. What I want and what I'm willing to do to get it seem to be in question at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I'm dedicated to my eating and to my exercise, but I think it's time to move the exercise up a notch, which to be completely honest with you, I really am struggling with. Why am I struggling?  Good question.  I love going to a class like Fitness Fusion or Zumba (which in my area are only seasonal to the fall and winter months usually), because an hour can fly by in what seems like an instant. On my own, I've gotten a bit too routine and I know it. I'm not oblivious to my plight, but I'm also not gung ho on changing it either.


So the question is, "WHAT DO I DO NOW?" I have 3 weeks and even though I'm maintaining at my currently level of dedication, I'm not losing to hit my goal.


When I used to start a "diet", REVENGE was a great word I used to go ahead with it. To show all those who didn't think I could do it and give them a big head slap to the forehead that I could do it.  I have to admit sometimes I do think of individuals that made me feel "not worthy", those that to my face said one thing, but their actions spoke so much louder that I wanted to prove to them that I would be this "skinny person" that I could go shopping in the store at the non plus size area. That I didn't need their approval nor their recognition to be happy. But I've come to the conclusion that revenge never benefits the one trying to get it and usually goes over the heads of the ones you are trying to take revenge upon. Not everyone encouraged me at first, but when it got to the point where it was extremely noticeable that I was changing for the better and you could SEE it, people hopped on the bandwagon. Even those that I had to forgive for the hurt I felt, be it imaginary or real hurt, it still felt the same. I haven't forgotten but I have forgiven and now that I no longer want to PROVE to those people that I can do it, where do I find the motivation to strive forward and advance to hit my goal.


I don't want to be "comfortable", not yet. As the school year starts and Fall is just around the corner, (one of my favorite season right behind Winter, and yes I know I'm in the minority for that), it feels like something new is upon me.


So I'm going to try to add more to my daily routine, even if I have to hog tie myself to the elliptical machine or handcuff myself to a yoga mat, I'm going to really push myself this week. Will I be successful, only time will tell, but now that I have finally come to the realization that I'm no longer using my outside influences to push forward but using what's inside to do it!  I just hope I have that little bit more to push myself to my goal.

So there's my goal for the week, day by day is all I can do.  So wish me luck!

11 MONTHS

Eleven Months!  Has it really been 11 months since I started this?  I have 30 days to hit my first goal, can I do it.  I am trying hard but for right now I'm taking each day as it comes.

This will be short and sweet for the next 30 days hopefully I will see a number I haven't seen in 10 plus years.  I am struggling to keep on track some days, others it seems to go without a hitch.

So I'll do the following:

So sorry for the short blurp this week.  But the next 30 days are towards the finish line that I set for myself, and I need, no HAVE, to achieve this goal.  I've worked too hard for it not to be.

So until next week my friends.

It's a Struggle!

With my 11 months coming up at the end of this week, I know I haven't lost anything.  No I haven't stepped on the scale, but I just know that there hasn't been a change.  I'm struggling this week.  Maybe it's the weather it is effecting my mood, but I am having a down type of week.  No, I'm not depressed!  Just in a blah type of mood.

Now I'm probably one of those people who is either very very high or very very low, I've never been a down the middle type of girl. Luckily I've been lucky that my highs out number my lows, but I still have them.  You can't appreciate your good days without a few bad ones thrown in, right?

I struggle with doing strength exercises.  I tried my first yoga class last week and I really liked it but I wonder if anyone else's brain was on full throttle.  I tried really hard to RELAX and think about my body and my breathing, but like a squirrel trying to cross a busy highway, my brain was darting from one thing to another.  I was looking at the sky and then I saw a cloud, which looked like a tiger which reminded me that I needed to take one of my cats to the vet on Monday, which made me think if I had enough in my checking account to cover the expense, which made me think I really need see how much I have saved so far for Christmas this year, which prompted me to think I need to start purchasing gifts for stockings and on and on and on.  While everyone else was lying there probably just breathing and thinking about nothing, I was on a roller coaster ride of things.  Now I can relax, but my brain has never really cooperated, with is usually why I listen to music or try to read a book to keep my busy squirrels in my head occupied on one subject.

I realize that 7 pounds isn't that much but it is my goal and if I don't get there it's not the end of the world, but today it is weighing heavy on my brain. I'm not an extreme eater anymore (heck, I have to make myself eat some days) though I used to be an Olympic Emotional Eater.  I exercise EVERYDAY, but you know the old saying, "Calories In verses Calories Out".  Well it looks like I need to do more calories out but I just can't get up in the morning to add a workout, those last precious moments of sleep seem to mean more to my body than losing the 7 pounds.  This is disappointing to me that I'm so close to my goal and as this moment in time, I am having motivational issues.  I can encourage someone else with no problem, but this week I'm having a small set back.  The good thing is I will probably snap out of it, maybe tomorrow, maybe this afternoon, heck maybe in an hour, but right now, I would be very happy to snuggle under the covers and sleep in a dark cool room like a vampire for a while.

Like the Carpenters sing, Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.  Not necessarily true in my case, I love rain, and we need rain.  Maybe I'm on the brink of an emotional breakdown or breakthrough.  I'm hoping for the break through, more therapeutic and easier on the mascara than a break down.

So I'm a list maker, even though 80% of the time when I make a grocery list, I forget on the counter before I leave, but I have decided to make a list of what I AM going to do for the 5 weeks.  A little research and maybe a call to my doc for some guidance may help boost my one year goal into reality.

I'm struggling internally with is my norm, but trying very hard to stay out of my head and look beyond what is in front of me but look at the goal the is ahead.

So there you go, I'm human and this week I'm struggling to get beyond myself.  Beyond my thoughts and beyond my outside influences to reboot my mind back to that happy place that I enjoy being in.  I know this is my struggle and only I can control, alt, delete it back into a restart.  So that is my goal today is to hit the control, alt, delete buttons on my world and reboot, restart and take my brain from blah to UnBlahleivable!!! (ok not my best pun, but you get the picture).

11 months is my next blog next week.  What will the scale bring????  This is once again another of life's mysteries but mysteries are never over till the very last page!!!  So I'll work on my mood, you work on having a peachy rest of your week and perhaps when we meet again, the sun will be shining and my zip a dee doo dah will be back in full force.

So onward and upward my friends.

Life is like a Circus

Happy 2nd week of August.  We were lucky enough to have the circus come to our town last night and my daughter and I attended.  Now to say I LOVE the circus is a bit of an understatement.  I know it might seem corny, but the circus is a throwback to fun things from the past.  If you think about it the circus really hasn't changed much since long ago.  With the small exception of electricity basically all the acts are possibly very similar to those from long ago.

Now I'm all for the animals, we saw golden tigers, an African lion, a beautiful Clydesdale horse and a mini horse along with some adorable pooches doing tricks to meet our fancy.  Then came the unicyclists making it seem easy to balance on one wheel while doing tricks which included juggling fire.  Of course, the clown, Leo, was there to guide us along on our journey with laughter and having a few volunteers be part of the show.  But the one that I think stood out the most to me was the contortionist.  Now I'm super excited I can touch my toes while standing without having to bend my knees.  This young lady did things that made you think her bones where made of jelly and she did them with such ease that you almost thought, Hey I can do that! but then reality eventually set in and you applauded for the remarkable person that could pretzel herself inside out.

Flexibility is something that you have to slowing work your way into.  It definitely is a work little by little to your goal kind of thing.  Now I wasn't able to touch my toes before, mainly because there was a little more resistance in the middle area of my body that made it difficult.  But now I can touch my toes all day long if I wish.  But I know I cannot touch my toes from behind.  (see photos below)

This young lady didn't even break a sweat.  Now that is impressive, she was balancing on her one foot and elbows for long periods of time.  I do a plank for more than 2 minutes and I'm sweating like I'm in a sauna.

This is inspirational as well as awe inspiring.  I could never join the circus, number one because I have responsibilities here at home, number two I have no interesting talent of which I believe someone would pay a ticket for!  Maybe I could be a clown, but I hate putting on makeup in the morning now and all I do is eyeliner and mascara, so think maybe this is not my future career choice.

But going to the circus was fun.  It was a time to be entertained without gadgets or technology.  It was LIVE theater and there was a couple of death defying feats that made the whole crowd take collected inward breaths for only a second in case things were going to go awry.  But cheers when everything worked out.

Changing your lifestyle can be like a circus.  When you are in situations where there is tons of food, sweets and carbs and all those things you used to eat in bulk just laid out for your consumption, you feel like this is your death defying moment.  Can you just take a little or even just walk away?  Sometimes I hear the collected gasp of the crowd in my head when I don't indulge in that cake or in the ooey, gooey dessert that you know is only made once a year.  It's like being tightrope walker, some days you can cross the rope with no problem, then there are those days that you look down and it seems like it is an endless abyss with no safety net.  The lion roaring represents your stomach and mind on days when you used to eat because you were bored or stressed and to make that lion purr you would shove food mindlessly in your mouth even if you really weren't hungry.
The clown was the face I used to paint on myself showing happiness when maybe I really wasn't all that happy about where I was.
But luckily with a little will, I feel a bit like those beautiful circus horses with the feathers on their heads.  With their heads held high, prancing around like they know they are the hit of the center ring. Loving to be in the center ring, not caring one way or another if anyone is paying attention because they are just pretty happy to be.

I encourage you to be a circus horse.  Lift that head up and be proud of every single step you take to make yourself a better you.  Remember one brick is just a brick, but stack up many and you have a might wall.

So remember every step counts.  I have my good days and not so great.  But I make sure I get my workout in, even if it's just a quick jaunt around the block to get the blood pumping.  It costs nothing to take a walk and even Mother Nature if cooperating this week and giving us weather that is begging to be in.

Don't think about what can happen in a month or even a year.  Just focus on the next 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closet to where you want to be.  It's all up to YOU!

Be kind my friends and enjoy your week!

10 MONTHS! And A BITE OF CAKE

I apologize for the lateness of this post.  We had a big celebration for my daughter graduating college and time got away from me.

But some funny things did happen.  While trying to surprise my daughter with a cake (not just any cake, a Krumbs Cake cake, made by the one any only Kim (a cousin of my husband's) they are amazingly decorated and I've heard nothing but raves from how they taste) anyhow, I told my daughter we were going to Des Moines to pick up a part for her dad and had to get it from some farmer at a Target parking lot.  She never even questioned it, which is a bit odd.  So why we were waiting in my car in the parking lot in our dark glasses peering into each car, truck and SUV that was going by looking like we were on a stake out or perhaps casing the joint for some sort of showdown with the mob.  Finally Kim and Aunt Ann showed up and she was shocked and surprised.  So in reality we were there for a pickup, a white sugar pickup (wink wink) no money exchanged hands but there were hugs and laughs which I don't think is illegal in Iowa to exchange in a Target parking lot.

She graduated her radiology technologist program and this was the cake.

This was the best cake ever!  We cannot stress how much we loved this cake. A HUGE shout out to Kim and Krumbs Cakes for this cake!

Ok that was the back story for the cake.  I told Kim I WAS going to have at least a bite of this cake, so I waited until almost 11:30 p.m. had my daughter slice me a piece and here is the famous bite.

Now just for the record, I had ONE BITE! But it was the most amazing, fantastic, orgasmic bite of cake and frosting that I have ever tasted.  I savored it, rolled it around in my mouth like a fine wine.  I was almost depressed that I had to actually swallow this sweet concoction that was flavorfully dancing across my tongue.  I do believe I saw fireworks flashing across the back of my eyelids as I closed my eyes and just took a moment to enjoy this sugar filled miracle as it melted in my mouth and made me see fireworks, fields of flowers and I think I actually heard children laughing in my ears. But alas I did swallow and was super tempted to take a second bite, but my will won out and I gave my cake to a friend to finish.  (Is that too much of an explanation of one bite of cake?  Too bad, it was out of this world, after 10 months of NO and I mean NO cake, not even a little lick of frosting, this was like getting a free trip to Disneyland and getting Mickey Mouse himself being your personal tour guide!)

So with so much going on, been getting my workouts in when I can, some days not so much due to all the running around for the party but hey steps are steps whether they be on a treadmill, a track, or down ailes at Sam's Club.

I've added a Spark a day, this is a wonderful drink that has a bit of caffeine but also tons of other vitamins and such to give my day a bit of a start.  Honestly, I needed something besides water and Crystal light.  I don't like tea or milk and since I don't drink anything with bubbles, this makes for a challenge to find something to drink that doesn't have tons of sugar and calories.  But spark is only 45 calories and I just need one to keep my morning going.

I haven't lost much in the pounds department, but I am noticing a change in muscle mass.  Things are starting to tighten up a little, which is nice, but I still have loose skin that I'm either going to have to live with or perhaps sometime in the future consult on my options about.  It doesn't bother me much, but jumping jacks are not my friend when it come to the looser skin, so those are not in my exercise routine, but I've never really liked jumping jacks so not much of a loss.

So to the numbers:

10 MONTHS

Months without Soda or Alcohol:

11 months

Months without Pasta, Bread, Potatoes, and Sweets

10 months 

Disclaimer:  I didn't have my ONE bite of cake until after my 10 months, but don't think ONE BITE constitutes a void of my goal.

Total pounds lost to date:

93

Total pounds till hit 100 Pounds-1 year Goal 

7

Total pounds to Ultimate goal

23

I'm thinking I may have to adjust my ultimate goal a little, but 100 is my one year goal.  And I am hoping I can do it.  One pound lost since last month, but as I said, things are shifting, I'm not losing fat, but I do believe I am gaining some muscle mass which make sense.

I really need to do more strength training, which isn't my favorite, but this is another hurdle I'm working through.

So there is a short and "sweet" version of my 10 months.  Two months to go, actually 50 days to lose 7 pounds, but I'm hoping to crush that and am going to try to 10, 12 would be better, 15 would be remarkable and 20, ok I'm getting ahead of myself here.

Stay tuned.  Due to Facebook's "On This Day" I've had to surprise of seeing photos of myself from years past, some only one or two years old others older than that.  I have to say when I see those, I have mixed feeling.  One one hand, I'm very happy took the steps I did to get where I'm at, on the only hand, I look at those pictures and still have that ping my my heart that reminds me how I felt about myself at that time.  It takes a minute to swallow and realize that I was really really overweight.  But to be honest, I didn't see myself like that, but now that I see those pictures I know I don't ever want to go back to that again.  And the only person that make that not happen again is me!  So the buck stops here and thank goodness that cake went fast because I don't think I have that much willpower not to sneak another LARGER bite next time.

Every new day is another chance to change your life.  But you have to do the hard work.  Unfortunately we haven't advanced enough yet where we can lose weight and pay someone else to do the work.  So don't give up and don't give in.  Believe in yourself and believe you deserve to be happy.

Have a peachy week my friends and I hope today is the start of something great for you!