Judging others apparently doesn't require a law degree.

A fellow reader is struggling with something that I struggle with also and asked me for my advice, so here is my small rant that I have to spill out before it festers into something big and possibly angry enough to stomp a small town like Godzilla.

I've been pretty honest in my posts, sometimes surprising myself in how much I was willing to share.  Do I tell you every single little tiny thing?  NO!

This journey was MY journey to take.  I didn't cheat, I didn't take the easy way, I took the way I hoped would work.  I've shared my ups and downs and to those I've trusted they may know some more detailed info but the struggle and work I've posted is 100% all me!  I started to post in order to keep me accountable with myself, it just happened that there were a lot of people who also struggled with the same issues and related to what I posted.

No one else sacrificed, sweated, and pushed forward, I did it all, no one did it for me.

Sometimes you have 2 choices in choosing a path:

#1 - is to stay on the path you are on and deal the with consequences of not doing anything or

#2 - take the risk and go where you don't know but at least you tried path

So if you have a question about my journey - ASK ME!

then I have the choice of sharing or not.  Do you share everything you do with the world? Of course not.  When you go the magic show, you lose the magic if the magician sat there and described step by step what he was doing.  I'm not trying to hide anything and 99.9% of the time I'm happy to share my story, but after one year, it not about how I started or what I did, but about how I'm doing now and what I'm doing NOW! The chain of events that brought me to this point are in my posts, every word is true and I shared what I was comfortable in sharing.

So for those guessing and speculating about my journey, I wish you well and luck in your endeavors.  The Enquirer version is much more judgment and gossip worthy.  But if you truly cared to know the "whole" story, you would have asked me in the past 12 months, that was when I was in the hardest part of my journey.  But since you didn't, I guess you missed your window.

To my fellow reader, GS from the UK, who is also struggling with this, I say brave forward, those that truly care will tell you minus the audience of social media.  Remember those that you trust and have shown their support, personal interaction with those who are there for you will help you succeed.

Weight loss is a deeply personal and heart wrenching process and unless you have been where I was, then you can not truly understand, but to those of you, all 7,000+ that read this every week, know that you are stronger than those that judge you.  You have great importance in this world and you are one of kind.

So don't let those that choose to relate to you second hand, you deserve face to face interaction and guess what? You are in control of what you wish to share.  Be strong and have faith because the wolves in sheep's clothing get easier to spot when you have more confidence in yourself.

So rant over, but to my fellow friends working on being healthier, you are not alone, every day is a gift and it's up to YOU how you use it.

It's YOUR choice to let the negative get you off track.  But being happy and healthy is a great revenge against those ney sayers. So to GS in the UK, I say stay strong and keep moving forward because you are WORTH IT!

So keep your chin high and remember that the only opinion about you that matters is your own!

Cooler Weather- New Jeans

So when it isn't raining in Iowa at the moment Mother Nature is slightly bi polar and makes the days in between the rain, sunny and fall like.  I love the crisp air in the morning and the leaves changing colors.  Fall is one of my favorite season behind winter.  I know I'm in the minority for that but I LOVE snow almost in a creepy stalker kind of way.  I love the smell of the air before it snows and I love to walk in the snow.  So yes, I'm certifiably a bit off center.

So with cooler weather, it's time for a change in clothing.  Shorts and t-shirts are getting replaced by jeans and sweatshirts.  But when I tried on my size 16 jeans that I last purchased in this last year, guess what, they DON'T fit.  They are way to big.  So after mustering up a little courage, I walked into the store and grabbed 3 sizes of jeans, a 14, a 12, and a 10.  Now this was completely foreign to me and I kept looking that them thinking there was NO WAY these were going to fit.  So in order to not completely shatter my confidence I went for the size 14 jeans first. 

Shock and surprise, I could pull them off without even unbuttoning them, they were way to loose and baggy.  Ok, self-esteem a bit higher.  Thinking sacrificing eating no cake or cookies for a year might have been worth this moment.  So with a bit more confidence and a little hope, I tried on the size 12 jeans.  Now they fit perfect but not too tight but comfortable, a bit of looseness in the waist and if you have ever shopped for jeans this is a cat and mouse game trying to find a fit that looks and feels good.  So I decided to take the leap and try on the size 10.  As I put my first leg into it, I mind immediately said, there is no way these are going to fit.  I immediately when into a food journal mode and started to thing of everything I had ate that day and did I drink enough water so I wasn't bloated or retaining a small food baby before trying to button these jeans.  In fact I considered just stopping there and going with the 12's and calling it a success.  But hey I already had one leg in so why not take the plunge and just see what happens, wouldn't be the first time I cried in a dressing room (not that I was too this stage but trying on clothes has never been an overly positive experience in my world).  So in goes the other leg and it occurs to me I need to shave my legs and I then I think maybe I need to start doing more exercises where I can tone my legs more, then I think I really need to start getting pumpkins for Halloween and what kind of candy will I give out this year (yes it's like I have ADD but in a weird fun way) but then I snap back into my body and realize I need to pull these jeans up over my hips and make the attempt to button them without having to ask for a pair of pliers and an assistant to snap them for me.  So with a little wiggle, up they went.  THEY FIT!!!!!  I will admit they were just a bit snug, not painted on tight, but they were definitely showing my curves.  I actually did the turn away from the mirror and look back move to see how my butt looked!  I even was able to do a squat in them and nothing creaked or split and an ambulance wasn't called to cut me out of them so I could breathe.

Now I know you all think I bought the 10's, well you are right, but I also bought the 12's.  Why?  Because the 12's fit perfect and due to the fit and brand I felt super comfortable in them, but I also bought the 10's which was a different brand because it made my butt look AMAZING! and I'm all for a little butt confidence!

So getting to shop and picking jeans off the rack in a size that is more attainable is ASTONISHING to me.  I never thought I would be able to do this.  Heck it still baffles me, but to leave a store after trying on jeans and having a huge smile and a sense of pride is definitely a new thing for me but something that I worked hard for.

Clothes shopping has never been one of my favorite things to do for myself.  I get very self aware and even though I have done a lot in progress of my mind and body, clothes shopping brings out those demons that have haunted me for years.  But getting to tell those demons to "SUCK IT" when I try on a pair of size 10 jeans it pretty awesome.

So as I strut (yes I'm wearing a size 10, you bet my amazing butt that I'm going to strut like Tony Manero from Saturday Night Fever or Staying Alive!) in my new jeans I come the realization that a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to even get these jeans past my calves, and now they are past my hips and buttoned, so even though I really miss bread and pasta, being able to shop and buy a size that is 7 sizes smaller than what I wore a year ago is mind blowing!

So remember that each day turns into weeks and months and before you know it a year has past and if you are lucky, you finally get to see the results you had hope and prayed for.

So go out and enjoy the fall weather, but on your favorite jeans and sweatshirt and soak up the sunshine because this is the beginning of all the HTC season (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas season) and we all need a little calm before the hustle and bustle.

Have a great week my friends and until next time.

QUESTION OF THE DAY? DID I MAKE MY 1 YEAR GOAL????

So I sincerely apologize for the delay in getting this post up.  My hubby had some major surgery (he is fine) but has needed my attention and I help run our city recreation soccer league for 1st through 6th grade and to be totally honest there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything I need to get done.

So did I make my one year goal?  This is the question on the table.  So with a bit of weariness and a little bit of fear I went to the doctor and stood on their fancy shmancy scale that I believe will tell all my secrets from the past due to it's shiny appearance and multiple digital numbers it spits out when I am standing on it.

So on I step, and grab the handles as instructed and honestly begin to pray that I at least am close, I will be happy as long as I didn't GAIN anything.  So after what seemed like forever, which in reality was about 7 seconds, the very nice lady in front of me announces, "Guess what you are down 105 pounds from a year ago!"  Talk about jubilation.  I do believe I felt a weight lifted off me, well guess what, I did lift a weight off me, 105 pounds worth.
(Just an update, that was about two weeks ago and as of this morning I've lost 107, so 19 more pounds to go for my ultimate goal which doesn't at this moment have an exact goal date)

That practically a middle school child or a little over four 25 pound toddlers I've lost, so I did a little research and to put it all in perspective:

105 pounds is equal to:

10 - 10 pound bowling balls

5 1/2- Car Tires

21 - Little Chihuahua dogs

21 - Gallons of Vanilla Ice Cream

1252.35 - Hostess Twinkies

So as I said I would do, I went back through my post from the beginning and I noticed a few things, 

Number one, I'm pretty clever and funny at times, guess I never realized it until I took a step back and read them in a different frame of mind.  Yes I'm the butt of my own jokes, but hey if my life wasn't so bloody funny, I wouldn't have anything to say.

Number 2 - There is definitely an attitude and self-esteem change.  I'm the first to make fun of myself, because hey my life is pretty hysterical at times and I like to share the laughter, but I could see the sadness in some of my posts and I can remember feeling the way I felt and thinking when was the shoe going to drop.  But as time went on I was able to read the shift in my thinking.  I cared less of what other people thought and more about what I thought. I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I don't still struggle, but I can see that I was struggling so much internally then that I know now that I don't have the heavy burden over me any more.  I'm still learning to let go of things that hurt me but knowing that I'm healthier and feel better than I have in years makes it easier to do.

Number 3 - I'm able to run!  I may run as though I'm dragging a Mack truck behind me, but I CAN RUN!  My knees don't hurt.  I don't run out of breath doing stairs.  I can do a plank correctly and not on my knees! (Even though I really hate doing planks!)  I actually did jumping jacks this week at Bootcamp class.  I haven't done a jumping jack (Where there was air in between my feet and floor) in probably 10 years because it hurt my knees too much.  I can jump!  Maybe not a Micheal Jordan slam dunking a basketball jump, but I can get some height between me and the floor!

Number 4 - I make smart choices when I eat.  Emotional eating is no longer an option.  When I'm having a bad day, I go workout, go for a walk, crochet, paint, I find any other option that doesn't include me sitting on the couch in front of the tv stuffing my face with comfort food that used to make me feel better while doing it, but then came the guilt of doing it after and the consequences of trying to fit into my clothes after.  I still eat out, I choose not to eat certain foods.  I CAN eat them, but knowing what my difficult foods for me are, I now can just say, NO Thank You when offered and walk away.  

This journey isn't over.  To be in the correct BMI range, which I know is not perfect, but my goal is to at least be in the range of normal, which being normal would be a first for me.  So 19 more pounds.  I know weight training is probably my key, and I'm slowly wrapping my mind around it but wish there were more options for classes in my area. But since I chose to live in my wonderful little town, it is up to me to find other sources to do.  I've just gotten the Body Boss program and will be starting this on Monday.  So will let you know how it goes.

1 YEAR

Months without Soda or Alcohol

13 months

Months without Pasta, Potatoes, Bread, and Sweets

12 months

Total pound to date

107

Total pounds to year end goal

-7 

I'm over my goal by 7 pounds!

Total to Ultimate Goal

19 pounds

So as soon as I get a minute I will post pics in a very future post to show my progress.  I have one year under my belt and where I go from here is completely up to me.  No time to backslide now, just because I've achieved my one year goal is not a reason to decline in my commitment.

This is a struggle EVERY day!  Some days the struggle is small and some days it's BIG! But every day is a new day to start again and every day is whatever you make of it.  And that's my goal, it make every single day count.

So Happy 1 Year Anniversary to me!

I worked hard every single day, minute, and second of this year!

So onward and upward my friends.

Have a peachy week!