The BEGINNING OF MY JOURNEY BACKGROUND

Starting July 2016, I finally broke down and saw a doctor about my knees. Ok, I'm no spring chicken and never claimed to be.  But when my knees decided to be in constant pain, I gave up and finally got an appointment with a doctor.  I suspected he was going to tell me that I need to lose weight, but what he told me left me in a daze for about 3 weeks.

Seems I have arthritis in both knees and due to my weight, unless I lose it and quick,  I will have to have knee surgery in 4 years and according to him I am way to young to be having knee surgery, plus if I have it that early I am almost guaranteed I will have more than one throughout my life.

He also said in a nice way, that I was FAT! (I believe he used the word obese and I remember hearing pig noises in my head and felt tears welling in my eyes, luckily the noises were an illusion, the tears not so much) No exactly roses and chocolate!
Within minutes, I was scheduled to go to the informational meeting that night.  Lucky me it was open enough to have me go.  I didn't go with anyone, I was still processing.  Weight loss is a personal journey and seems to be judge by many even though they don't have to live in your body and go through your day to understand the struggles you have to go through. So after the meeting I made my appointments to go forward to lose this weight.

So on 08/02/16, I've saw my family physician and scheduled my physical and mammogram.  I've had to see a therapist as it is part of the program. Right now there are only 4 people who know I am doing this and that is ok by me.

In a way, I was very scared about the idea, that I might fail.  I basically was so far in my own thoughts that I do believe I cleared out some cobwebs that haven't been touched back there since 1985.  But these 4 people have helped me and supported me in general and to them I will be forever grateful.

I never realized how overweight I was until I started looking back at pictures I was in.  The image in my mind and the images I was looking at were not the same.  Guess having a bathroom with a mirror that only goes to your waist hides more than I thought.  Since high school I've never been the "skinny" girl.  I've always had curves and I not a binge eater either.  I'm active but I guess my body isn't cooperating because I've tried everything.

I've done Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, 21 Day Fix, Low Carb, Low calorie, 21 Day Beach Body, Advocare.  I've even practically starved myself to the point of passing out.  I've followed every plan and every fad that I thought would be the next thing to break through and help me lose the weight, but unfortunately, I would lose about 20 pounds and then I would stall and to be honest, once you hit a plateau, I unfortunately think I lost faith and gave up.

Am I scared?  YES!  Do I think this is the best thing for me to do?  YES!  Does that make it less scary? Kind of.  And my doctors say this works differently for everyone, I just have to follow what I'm supposed to do and hope for the best.  But the key to it is that "I" have to do it.  No one else can make me better but me.

I'm doing this blog to have somewhere to put my feelings.  Wasn't  sure if I would ever post for the PUBLIC to see, but have gotten so many inquiries as to what I do on a day to day basis, I decided to resurrect my blog.

So I decided to post for all to read.  Some of you have been sweet and supportive, when I've seen you in person, you ASK me how I am and encourage me in person.  Those that I thought would ask me, have never directly asked me and those that I never thought would be interested have been my biggest supporters.  So I guess you never know cares about your well being until you do something big that can be seen (like weight loss) and you get the reaction.
I was disappointed that certain individuals have never acknowledge what I'm doing directly to me, but I have to remember I'm doing this for me not for them.  I'm a people pleaser and it has always been hard for me to do things for ME.  But hey, either that or knee surgeries throughout my life, guess what, I put me at the top of the list ASAP. (PS My hubby seconded the notion of me doing something for myself, he's the best)
So follow me if you wish, but know this is not easy.  And it's not a diet, it's a complete life change.  Which is hard and messy and I struggle, I deflect with humor, I vent with sarcasm, and there are days that I'm happy and there are days that I struggle, so I'm kind of a bi-polar weight loser!!! ha ha
So stay tuned and see what happens.  I'll be brave one day to post pics, but until then, I'll let you know what I'm doing and if that helps you and if you read this and it just makes you smile and feel like you aren't alone in your journey then that is a BONUS!

WEIGHT LOSS SINCE SEPTEMBER 2016 :  62 POUNDS